The Lasts
by Weezer Girl
Summary: When she said she'd give her life for Tortall, this isn't exactly what she had meant. On the ship to Carthak, Kally reflects on leaving her beloved country and family. Oneshot. Please review, I'd love some feedback.


AN: I wasn't sure if I should put this in the Song of the Lioness or Immortals category; I originally posted this in Immortals, but have decided to switch it into the SotL category.

Disclaimer: I own nothing you recognize.

Princess Kalasin of Conte had always dreamed of becoming a knight. She was more than willing to sacrifice her life for her country. She was to be Lady Knight Kalasin of Conte: A beacon of courage, strength, loyalty, and, above all, an invaluable servant to the kingdom she loved with all of her heart.

'So how did I end up here?'

That was all the princess could think as she tugged on her dress and leaned on the railing of the ship, looking out to sea. She was several days away from the only home she had ever known, yet she was still several days away from her new home.

Limbo.

She smiled bitterly as she remembered her childhood dream: knighthood. Being a hero, like her ma and her Aunt Alanna.

But that wasn't to be. Father told her that her marriage to Emperor Kaddar of Carthak was necessary for the country. Leaving Tortall forever would strengthen Tortall in ways that her staying could not do. And she, desperate to help her country however she could, finally relented.

She was regretting that now.

She would never see them again, she thought. She'd grow, have children, they'd grow. And her mother and father, Aunt Alanna and Uncle George, Aunt Daine and Uncle Numair, none of them would ever see them.

Her mother. She had been furious with the king when she learned that Kally had agreed to the marriage; she knew that her husband had used her own absence as a time to convince Kally to marry the Emperor.

"We've _talked_ about this!" She hissed at him quietly, thinking her daughter couldn't hear.

"She agreed, Thayet." Kally's father ran his hand over his face. Kally suddenly noticed the white streaks that peppered his black hair." It's not as if I relish the thought of our daughter leaving us. It's necessary for the country- you know that, and she knows that. She's decided."

Now here she was- alone. She had said goodbye to her family, both real and surrogate. She heard the voices of her parents for the last time, saw the faces of her aunts and uncles one last time, and felt the Tortallan chill in the air for the last time. That chapter of her life was over. But now, before the next chapter had started, all she had was her memories, the lasts to think about while she waited for so many firsts.

Her last conversation with her mother. A real conversation, not the hugs and blessings she had received at the dock of the ship.

"Oh, my baby," Thayet had cried into her hair. "I'll miss you every day."

Kally bit her lip and squeezed her eyes shut. There was a painful knot in the back of her throat, and it was throbbing more and more now. "Oh, Mama, what will I do without you?"

They stayed like that for awhile; how long, neither of them could say.

Finally, Thayet pulled back. "Look at us! All red and splotchy!" She laughed and wiped at her daughter's cheeks with the sleeve of her gown. Kally's eyes filled with tears again. Her mother, cleaning her up, just like always. Scraped knees, muddied clothes, smudgy faces, all had been fixed with kisses and laughter and cloths.

"I'm going to make you proud, Mama," Kally said quietly, forcing the words through her throbbing throat. "I'll make them schools and hospitals just like you did for Tortall, and I'll work to help the women and the slaves."

The tears that Thayet had managed to hold at bay came flowing down her cheeks again, "Kalasin, you've always made me proud. You were my first little girl, my little princess. And I know you'll bring much-needed change to Carthak. Just look at your family! There's no way you couldn't shake them up!"

Kally grinned. "That's certainly true."

She remembered her last real conversation with Daine. She had walked into her room just a week before her departure.

"I'm sorry if they give you strange looks. I probably fair scared them off of Tortallan women!"

Kally had laughed, "Oh, Aunt Daine, I'm sure it'll be fine!" Put on a brave face, smile, be a good dignitary- that's how she was told to act growing up. So she did, smiling and scoffing at her aunt. But now, she did wonder. Would they all be watching her, afraid to anger her in case she snapped and destroyed the castle?

Aunt Daine shook her head, seeing through the princess's facade. She took Kally's hand. "You look like a spooked deer." Daine paused. "He's a good man, sweet. You'll be fine." Daine squeezed her hand when Kally didn't respond, standing up and walking to the door. She paused. "And you know we'll keep you informed of the goings ons here. And, if need be, I'll fly across the ocean to see you, Kally. Just say the word."

Kally remembered just after they returned from that disastrous trip to Carthak: Uncle Numair had commented darkly that Kaddar had been "a little too interested" in Aunt Daine, and though Aunt Daine had rolled her eyes and accused him of being seeing things that were not there, it jumped to Kally's mind now. Would Kaddar be bitter that Kally, not Daine, was coming to be his wife?

Kally chastised herself silently. 'Overthinking again. He only knew her for a short time! And she probably terrified him with her... actions. I'm only frightening myself!'

She forced herself to focus more on the beautiful sight before her: the sky was being painted yellow, pink, and orange as the sun came over the horizon.

She had watched her last Tortallan sunrise the morning of her departure. She had sat with Roald on his balcony for several hours, and he, ever the kind older brother, had slung his arm around her shoulder as she sobbed.

"I already miss you, little sister."

Needless to say, that hadn't slowed the tears.

He had hushed her quietly then. "Kally, you're going to be the best thing that ever happened to Carthak. You're going to go and _change_ things for the better, sister. From what I hear, they need to be shaken up. Who better than you?" He nudged her shoulder. "I know that you'll make Mama and Father and all of us proud. They would never send you someplace that didn't have faith you could handle. You've made _me_ proud just by agreeing to this; You're being far more brave than I could ever be."

Her last conversation with her father had been tough; the night before she left, Kally visited him in his study.

"Father?"

She found him with his head on his desk. The weight of his decision was finally hitting him. His baby, his little girl- she was leaving, and he would never see her again. He had excused himself from the meeting, feigning a headache, and come into his study, where he crumpled on his desk.

Hearing her voice, he looked up. "Kally!" His blue eyes were brightened with tears and his hair was mussed.

She forced a smile. "Oh, Da." She looked down, and ran over to his desk to hug him.

"I'm so sorry, Kally, I really am. You must know, if it wasn't necessary I'd-"

"I know, Da. I know."

They stayed in the study, talking for a few hours about Carthak- the state of their hierarchy, the need for education, the oppression of the slaves. All the while, Kally saw the pain in her father's eyes; a pain he had suppressed in front of everyone, including Kally, up until tonight.

As she turned to leave, she paused. "Da, I wouldn't have done it if I didn't know that it was what was best for Tortall. You know as well as I do that you could never make me do something I didn't want to."

Jon looked down, smiling gently. "You certainly are your mother's daughter."

When she had said she would sacrifice her life for her country, Kally will admit, this hadn't been exactly what she meant.

'But it's what happened. Maybe I've been given a gift from the gods. I have served Tortall with my life, and now, that life can be used to change Carthak into a better place. Maybe I'll grow to love Carthak the way I love Tortall.'

As this thought ran through her mind, she couldn't suppress the tendril of doubt that curled its way into her heart. Love Carthak more than Tortall? Somehow, the young Princess doubted very much that _that _could ever happen.

She ran her hands over her face, frustrated. 'I need to stop this.'

The girl pushed off of the railing, and went to search for any of her seasick shipmates; maybe a few healings would clear her mind of all the goodbyes she'd been having lately, and allow her to prepare for all of the impending hellos.

AN: Please review! I'd love feedback! This is currently going to stay a oneshot. There is a possibility that I might either expand it or write a sequel. Not sure as of yet, but I would certainly love to hear from my readers!


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